Feels weird...

Dunno why...feels really weird and strange to return back to the same environment. Feels lil strange to make the effort of getting familiar once more with what was left behind aeons ago.

I recognise all of it...but I dont remember my relation to all of it. Had always wanted to call the shots... but now that the time has come, I feel its worthless. Why does this always happen with me?
I mean...why do I fail to value what I wanted for so long when I finally get it? Why does its importance just fade away from my life like it never existed?

Just realised...ve gotten into the "why" game again.

Ever felt like a snake moulting??....I know thats weird and GROSSS...but well thats how I feel.
How do I always manage to grow out of a previous self so fast? Some people just change too fast for others to grapple with their ever changing thought process or behaviour...but actually its not my behavior thats changing...its just this internal feeling of .....well I dunno wat... Strangely I already feel the need for a mature set of people to interact with. Its funny ....coz ....I've always managed to match my wavelength with all the people I have interacted with till today....but now I feel that was just an effort that I was trying to make...never actually realising the wavelength that I was most comfortable with!... My current self is not able to relate to that previous self which so easily moulded itself to all kindsa ppl. I think now, all I could manage is just a "hi"... coz...there is a tiredness and exhaustion in dealing with all these people and thinking that I am comfortable in interacting with all of them when I actually feel like just walking away from them without saying anything much(hoping they would magically understand what I want to communicate....of course...thats the silliest thing one could ever do....like we all say "unhe sapne mein toh samajh nahin aayega"...hehehe)....some of them actually "magically" and miraculously understand me... Thats telepathy I guess. And its them that I ultimately connect with best of all.

I need more such people in my life now. But where do I find them? For all you know when I do get a set of "mature" super-telepathic friends, I might just walk away....No ...I dont want to....actually I wont...coz I dont want to.
Basically ...Im bored of all the weird stuff that people around me still think and do.I tried adjusting to it...knowing fully well it wasnt what I really wanted to do... I kin still have a lot of fun tho'....havent lost my sense of fun... but I dont want to end up sashaying around acting like I know a lot about a lot(just like all of these other people who pretend like theyre grown ups...who are these "other people" neway?).... because I know there are always other people who're already past this stage of foolish nonchalance thats fun to strut but gets you nowhere except where you never wanted to be!
So the question is ....how do I find out what makes me click with a possible acquaintance for him/her to become one of these friends I want! Do I go hunting for such people? Coz if I dont, Ill prolly be stuck with these physically-full-grown-mentally-stunted-for-sometime-before-they-become-like-me people!! Ok... thats a very conceited statement to make...:D...but then I'd prolly have to wait for them to outgrow their previous selves like I did...not everybody grows as fast as I do right;)... we must be fair!hehehe...

Not too interested in socialising right now...not with the current set of people I know at least.
I want to get out of this cocoon and meet new,people who're fun and wise...coz I certainly am not very wise...I need somebody to drill good sense into me now at least for sometime.
I want to identify with just myself actually at all times. I always thought I was doing that but...mebbe I was right in thinking so too...but only to the extent that I was comfortable with the people I met and spoke to.

There is an unexplained , weird silence after years of interaction....not the comfortable silence which comes with telepathy, ...but the uneasy silence that comes with having nothing to share now that there is nothing in common...Ive been thru that stage of foolish nonchalance and the rest are still stuck in it...remember??