Conflict

So I got into one thing to get away from two other things (not really get away from One of those two other things but simply owing to my disillusionment I stopped trying to even think of that One thing ; and I got into the other thing because I was curious and bruised )

Now I want both the One and the one - but they are opposing forces - my involvement with the latter makes me feel incompetent to achieve the former -

I dont know what to do because everywhere I look the One seems to be there yet I dont have the courage to do what it takes to get to the One