It doesnt makes sense !!!

Im thinking of a material solution to a material problem right now. How do I design a non complemented NMOS ckt for a CMOS gate that produces an o/p of 1 after accepting the last letter of my last name!.....grrrrrrrr!hehehehe

But well....thats not wat doesnt makes sense to me .....its this thing Im doing...rather the futility of it all.... why do we do things neway....why do we wantonly embroil ourselves in things of the world? Life according to me is empty and meaningless....but not in the bad sense...because it acquires the meaning that we give it....and Im not doing a single thing that will give it the meaning I want to give it....rather Im getting sucked into a labyrinth of materialistic knowledge and materialistic tasks.... This blog is about a way I want to be....My efforts to give true meaning to my life follow a sinusoidal wave ...complete with crests and troughs...its like the indian cricket team...amazing one moment and deplorable the next.

I dont like it one bit....Mebbe I should just give up this desire too.... mebbe thats wat it means when we say life is empty.....life would be empty if u didnt want to do nething...u wud have nothing to live for.... but the fact is that life is empty either way...whether u do something or not. Its our minds that cloud up everything....Are we our minds and bodies?? WHAT ARE WE ANYWAY? Why do we do the things we do?

Sometime ago emotions clouded my way of thinking.... emotions made me presume things about people....emotions made me perceive others as arrogant...emotions made me feel I needed somebody to survive...emotions made me feel at a disadvantage....emotions are not in the heart...theyre in the mind.... they are of the senses.....but then love is the cause of all emotions....or is it? how can u love without being emotional?How can you love without crying/laughing/experiencing?...it seems like a paradox to me. Something I can never understand!....and it drives me up the wall....really. I dont want to do the things Im doing....I dont want to build a home here. Well but those are desires too..... as they say in automata and theory of formal languages Im in a trap state....I dont want to do the things Im doing, and Im not able to do the things I want to do ....no matter wat the input,...the output is never accepted....

And I dont have people here who match those objectives...SHOOT MAN!