Detachment

A certain emptiness, albeit , positive prevails over me right now. ...infact I think its forever. At one level everything matters...the perfect school, the perfect college, the perfect job, the perfect guy, the perfect relationship with the perfect guy, the perfect marriage, the perfect...well ..there is no dearth of things in this world that have the ultimate ideal of ostensibly unattainable perfection(while one is in active pursuit of them)!!

And yet at another...when one has truly learned to love and be content...nothing matters. I mean ...what is the actual purpose of life if not that? How does it matter if you cant sustain a perfect relationship with the perfect person? Can love be reduced to a just a relationship or a desire of wanting to "be" with somebody for the rest of your life? Would you stop loving somebody if you were not in a relationship/you could not marry them?Why would you "love" only somebody and not anybody else? Love is not something that happens or is created....love exists by itself...you only discover it....

I think we all live a very need based life...we need a job, we need a relationship, we need a companion for the rest of our lives....and thats why even marriage has become all about somebody you need instead of being a true union of two souls where each is independent of the other and can sustain itself in true love and freedom. That specific somebody you need is all about fulfilling your expectations of them for the rest of your life. When one of the partners in a need based union is exhausted, it is time for him/her to start expecting/retaliating in whatever way(obviously the pendulum is bound to swing the other way too). Marriage today is just a socially acceptable way of plaguing somebody for the rest of your life and then blaming them for your low self worth or unfulfilled expectations.

And so...to come to think of it...why do we need anyway....beyond the survival aspect of course? Maslow's theory says that man always takes care of his basic needs before he even has the time to think of investing in things like a relationship. A relationship symbolises love between two people....but I dont think so, because if the aforesaid is true then why do we have loveless marriages? What is the "spark" that people want to "ignite" after getting bored in their relationships? Its certainly not love....because love is not a here-now-gone-now feeling ...love is infact not a feeling/thought...Love just IS. You cant see it and you just hanker after tangible gestures of love.....So therefore when it comes to relationships people become attached to their desires and expectations instead of truly loving.

Im not a hallowed know-it-all holier-than-thou person lecturing on the philosophy of love. I just feel this way because I dont experience the need for a socially acceptable bond like marriage as it is today. I mean ...if I ultimately cant be with somebody I love, it wont matter too much to me, beyond the point that it might hurt a little because Im attached to the notion of "physical togetherness" in love.Amongst other things Love consists of togetherness even in separation. Im happy this way. I dont want expectation to ruin it all. If possible ....I wouldnt want to marry.